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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398513">In Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Heartbreak, Light Angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:41:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,779</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23398513</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You want to do what is right. Kuroo doesn't know what he wants.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kuroo Tetsurou &amp; Reader, Kuroo Tetsurou/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kuroo Testurou was in love.</p><p>He was in love with volleyball. His eyes lit up whenever he watched games on TV. His muscles flexed, and his arms twitched as he replayed his games from high school. You could see the wheels in his mind turning, wondering what he would do.</p><p>He was in love with the beach and the feeling of sand between his toes. He could spend hours lounging under the hot sun, letting the waves lapping at his feet wash away his worries the same way they washed away the sand. You loved watching his back relax, all of the tension and worry leaving his body. He looked so at peace.</p><p>Even when it was difficult, he was in love with chemistry, too. He was in love with chemistry when he had a double lab period and he came home exhausted, and when he failed an exam. You were sure of this, because even when he was tired, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell you about what he’d done in class. You didn’t really understand what he was saying, but you understood he chose a major he was passionate about and you loved seeing him fall in love with his work.</p><p>Yes, Kuroo Tetsurou was certainly in love. He was in love with a great block in a game, or the way his hair got a little dry after it was doused in salt water, or the time he pulled an all nighter trying to memorize formulas. He was in love.</p><p>Just not with you.</p><p>You expected the realization to hit like a ton of bricks. A sharp pain, sure, but you’d learn to move on from it.</p><p>Instead, it was slow. You’d saturated yourself with him. He was everywhere, in every text and conversation, every class, every daydream. You’d spent so long in love with him, waiting for you to see him, you’d never thought about what would happen if he <em>didn’t.</em></p><p>You went to see a movie with friends. He was between you and another girl and you thought <em>maybe</em> tonight would be the night he realized you were madly in love with him. Maybe, he’d finally appreciate that you stuck with him through high school and college. Maybe, he’d turn to you right at the climax of the movie and plant a warm kiss on your lips. You were sure he’d taste like cherry, like the lip balm he always used.</p><p>Instead, he left the movie hand in hand with the girl to your left. She was a sophomore, you two were juniors. She was cuter than you, and her hair was longer, and in her you saw everything you were not.</p><p>Kuroo walked you home, because he always did, and wouldn’t stop talking about her. “She’s just…” You’d never made him lost for words. “She <em>listens</em> when I speak. She <em>sees</em> me.” You smiled at him. “Did you know she’s seen all the Alien movies? No girls like those moves!” No girls except for you, who binged it one weekend. With Kuroo.</p><p>“This is my stop, Tetsu,” you told him, like you always did. He was so busy talking to about her, he didn’t even realize. </p><p>“Whoops,” he chuckled, and pulled you in for a tight hug. Like always.</p><p>You wrapped you arms around his neck, and his fell to your waist. Although he stopped playing volleyball in college, Kuroo’s arms remained muscular and his hugs always made you feel secure. He was home.</p><p>When you pulled back, his features softened. It was a silent victory. You were the only one who got to see him like this, with his guard down and his feelings bare. “Thank you for coming with us tonight,” he conceded. “I know it was a little weird because you’re not really friends with her friends, but I appreciate.” His arms were still around your waist. You smiled weakly.</p><p>“You know me, if you need something, I’ll be there.” You pulled away from his embrace.</p><p>The truth of your words made your heart hurt.</p><p>He bid you goodnight, and you were left alone in your apartment. You went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. <em>Nope.</em> You thought, seeing your familiar frame. <em>Still not invisible.</em></p><p>You’d been through this before with Kuroo. He got in and out of relationships like cats got out of the house. But something resounded in your heart told you that this was <em>different.</em> This had you looking in your mirror, picking at your stomach and face, wondering what you needed to be to get him to look at you like he looked at her.</p><p>But you wanted <em>him</em> to be happy. And clearly for that to happen, you couldn’t be in the equation.</p><p>You tried to grow apart from him, truly. But he was everywhere. He was in the sweatshirt he left at your apartment and the margins of your notes. He was in breakfast “dates” (but as friends) and every rom-com, except now you weren’t the girl holding his hand.</p><p>Like a sweet poison, you just couldn’t get away from him. He was your own personal drug. The highs you got from him were wonderful, but damn did the lows hurt. You were a moth drawn to a flame.</p><p>Still, you really <em>did</em> spend less time around him. He was busy going on dates and visiting his girlfriend. You were busy nursing a broken heart, that hadn’t even had the chance to be whole. But every text from him brought you back down to Earth. Every smile he sent your way when you saw him dragged you back down.</p><p>You were done being <em>hopeful.</em> If he was happy with her, you were better off staying out of the way. It was enough to listen to him, and to see him smile. It was enough to be around him, even if you weren’t with him.</p><p>Besides, his friends were your friends, too. You weren’t alone without him, just lonely. You found other people to study with, and to get breakfast with. You made new inside jokes and moved on. You moved on.</p><p>Then, there was a knock at your door.It was late, but you’d been up watching shark week. You lazily stood, hot chocolate in hand and blanket wrapped around your body, and dragged yourself to the door. Half asleep and entirely apathetic, you didn’t look to see who was outside before you opened.</p><p>And there was Kuroo, breathing heavy and drenched.</p><p>“Tetsu?” you froze. It felt like your heart stopped beating. Swallowing your hesitation, you reminded yourself that he was your best friend <em>first</em> and that your feelings had faded. “Your soaked! Come inside, I’ll grab a towel.” You pulled on his wrist, bringing him to your couch and running off.</p><p>You came back with a towel and his sweatshirt so he could warm up. He looked at your like he was a ghost.</p><p>You’d seen Kuroo Testurou through thick and thin. You saw when he was rejected by his dream college, and when he finally graduated from Nekoma. You saw him win and lose countless volleyball games. You saw him through heartbreak after heartbreak. You watched him fall in love with everyone but you.</p><p>Yet, you’d never seen him like this. Maybe you had, but his eyes were never directed at you. Between the two of you, there was always clarity. He could be a thousand miles away, but one phone call and it was like he was standing beside you.</p><p>Right now, there were worlds between the two of you. You could grab his hand, but you wouldn’t feel his pulse. Hesitantly, you sat in front of him. You opened your mouth to speak, perhaps to ask if he was alright, but he cut you off.</p><p>“I think I’m in love with you.”</p><p>Your whole body felt like it was on fire.</p><p>“You’re <em>what</em>?”</p><p>Truly, you didn’t intend on saying it like that. Your voice was like venom. Love? Now? Your words pierced Kuroo’s heart with the reality that in love is the worst thing he could be.</p><p>“You have a girlfriend, Tetsu,” you reminded him, hands squeezing the blanket around your shoulders. He reached out to hold you, but you pulled away. <em>Not now, </em>you pleaded. Tears pricked the corners of your eyes.</p><p>“I know,” he responded. “I’m sorry, I know.” Your heart beat against your chest, threatening to burst through your lungs. You couldn’t breathe.</p><p>You wanted nothing more than to hold him. To tell him you loved him to, and you always had. You wanted to be in his arms, but this time as more than his best friend. You wanted to know what it felt like to have his cherry lips against yours. But not like this.</p><p>“She told me she loved me,” he admitted, head hanging to his chest. You couldn’t see his eyes, and he couldn’t see the way you stared at him like he was your whole world. “No one’s ever said that to me. Not like <em>that.</em>” You knew. If someone had said it to him, you’d be the first to know. You knew all his firsts.</p><p>“I wanted to tell her I loved her back. But all I could think of was you.”</p><p>You sighed.</p><p>You knew Kuroo Tetsurou for a long. He was the captain of Nekoma’s volleyball team, and that gave him skills he still used in college. He could see through people down to all their nuts and bolts, to find what made them tick. He was smarter than he let on, and he worked hard, still. Somedays, it felt like he was always two steps ahead of everyone else. But tonight, he was human, too. Although your heart begged to give him mercy, your mind spoke through.</p><p>
  <em>This isn’t right.</em>
</p><p>“I was in love with you for years,” you told him honestly, holding his hand. He looked up at you. Were you crying?</p><p>“I spent so much time waiting for you.” His grip on your hand tightened. He knew. There were too many stolen glances. There were too many long hugs. There was no way he didn’t know. “But even I got tired of waiting. You missed your chance.”</p><p>“I’m done, Tetsurou.”</p><p>You let go of his hand.</p><p>“Whatever this was between us…” You thought about all the movie nights. All the study dates, and the breakfasts together. You thought about the time he let you wear his jacket, and then you never gave it back because he didn’t mind. You thought about holding his hand in crowded places. You thought about how he was always your number one, even when you weren’t always his.</p><p>“We’re done.”</p>
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